THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE - AN UNTOXICATED CONTRIBUTOR

My journey with alcohol started in my teens, mucking about, experimenting - it was the 'done thing'.

I started working, travelling etc it was always there - every weekend etc - it was the way I socialised and it was extremely important. It was definitely a massive social crutch. As an introvert, I believed without a shadow of a doubt it was the answer to all social occasions. Regardless of the dangerous situations I'd exposed myself to, hideous hangovers, countless never ending blackouts etc. I was a crappy drinker - total lightweight and often a liabilty to friends and partners. (low tolerance and obvious visability when affected.

Anyway, it continued this way for many many years. Either booze or recreational drugs to party. It was never a question to stop - cut down a bit here and there, but it's importance remained pivotal to my life's social course.

I got married later in life and had a child a few years later. I had the odd glass of wine while pregnant, but was acutely aware of it's absence especially at a couple of special occasions during the time. As a new Mum I drank a bit at weekends, but slowed down a lot, and it didn't become an issue until later on when my child was a bit older. On a couple of special occasions, I got drunk and they witnessed me properly drunk - slurring, falling over and totally not there. My child was then very aware whenever I drank at home or if I came home after a night out.

During the first covid lockdown, I hit the booze pretty hard, drinking most nights and started a downward spiral. I'd often forget details from the night before, what film we watched, conversations etc.. My anxiety soared, my sleep was disturbed and I'd lay there at 2/3am hating myself. The next day would be awful and I'd then need to drink to stop the anxiety and I'd spend ridiculous amounts of time regretting, obsessing about what time I could start again, how much could I have, paranoid of having too much, not enough....getting sneaky, it was getting utterly consuming and utterly exhausting. My child wrote me a short note - Along the lines of "I hate it when you drink" and they'd spoken to my partner about it. Obviously not a proud moment (to say the least)

I started to explore and investigate articles, groups like Daybreak, read quit lit and stumbled across Untox facebook page.

I had been pretty scared of what not drinking might look like - boring, extremely difficult and worst of all the stigma! but all of these resources were nothing like that and I started to feel really inspired!

When the second lockdown came, I decided I would stop. I counted the days initially but didn't find it too difficult - I kept reading all the amazing literature and peoples inspirational and brave stories etc. I was very interested in my journey and noticed very quickly how much better I felt. My anxiety was decreasing day by day, my sleep improved and my self respect started to return. I joined groups and ilstened and talked with refreshing honestly to many other people's stories about life with alcohol. It was such a revelation !

I had started a spiritual journey 10 years ago, but with alcohol around I was getting nowhere. Once I stopped, I found everything really starting to fall into place. My dedictaion to my path increased 10 fold and my meditation practise obviously took on a completely new meaning!

One thing I found most interesting - I had relied upon alcohol to help me socialise my whole adult life - but it was actually doing the opposite. I found my life without it, far more social - I became involved in a variety of activities with many different people. I felt free to make plans without fearing the hangxiety!

Of course, this journey has not all been a bed of roses, because life isn't one. It is a bloody great rollercoaster.

Its been 8 months now since my last drink, I've been through Christmas, New Year, a big birthday, a friends big birthday and several weekends away, 3 holidays and other events.. each situation has been different and apprehesnion defintely played a part - particularly to begin with, but having a plan and learning to have my own back has really helped the journey.

Alcohol free drinks were really helpful to begin with - my cupboard was full and they were constantly arriving in the post! Such great options these days. I have noticed I'm not quite as interested in them as time goes on.

My health is now a priority, where I'd ignored it in the past. I eat really well, do yoga, run and have lost weight.

My relationships are changing, my social life is changing and all for the better. I want to live an authentic life and feel everything there is to feel, the good, the bad and the ugly! (and I'm totally happy to be an introvert!)

Best thing I've ever done!