Freedom! Cassandra's story
I’m sharing this for two reasons: 1. To celebrate my achievement and acknowledge all I’ve done to get to here and 2. I like hearing stories like mine from smart professional people who do NOT identify as alcoholics who have made alcohol small and insignificant in their lives. If sharing my story and being vulnerable can help someone else, it’s worth being brave.
It took me 5 years from the time I knew my relationship with alcohol wasn’t quite right to actually quit. I did the Alcohol Experiment the first time in January 2019. In January 2020 I did it again. In June 2020 I signed up for the Path (This Naked Mind) and stayed in it until February 2021. I still meet with 7 people from that group every fortnight.
In the last 6 months particularly I’ve socialised a lot and done more things than I would have been prepared to do sober because I have more confidence. And I have not had a single person suggest I have a drink or tell me I should (I did in the early days but it just doesn’t happen anymore and I wonder if that’s because I hold myself differently?). I’m never bored and I’m never accused of being boring.
I surround myself with people who are amazing. And many of them drink. I’ve done my best to ensure I don’t criticise the drinking, judge it or demonise alcohol.
I know I am not an alcoholic and I haven’t suffered the way that many do quitting alcohol. I am not trying to pretend I have and I'm not minimising the journey of some people who have not had the ease I have had. My relationship with alcohol was simply not what I wanted it to be. And I feel so much better without it.
I have learned a lot in this year without booze and I want to share some of the surprises:
1. I was arrogant at times and liked to tell people how bad alcohol is. Ugh. I hate that I did that. While it’s true that alcohol CAN be addictive and there are health risks, some people love drinking and do it well. I have watched many many people drink ‘normally’ over this year and I really enjoy watching others drink now. At first I sat within people in awe and wondered how the hell they could sit on just one glass of wine for hours. Towards the end of my drinking I didn’t ever drink less than a bottle of wine (unless I was driving and then I had a hard limit of 2 drinks and would drink the rest when I got home). There are some things etched into my eyeballs that I can never unsee from my sober outings this year - but then I probably need to apologise for the many things I don’t remember that I hope my friends will never tell me!
2. My self confidence, self esteem and ability to process emotions is infinitely better. I still have the thoughts that trouble me, things still go pear shaped in my life, I over think and cause myself and those around me stress etc. Life doesn’t change but how I cope with it has. I have more sleepless nights now but I NEVER wake up at 3am like I did nearly every day when I drank alcohol. I ended a ‘relationship’ with a man that had been going on for 3 years (on and off) where he kept telling me he wasn’t available and I just took the scraps. Now that I think clearly I see that what he was offering was not fair and not right for me. After a couple of months of being sober, I had the courage to give him up too.
3. For me, 100% alcohol free is easier than 98%. I am learning not to be so black and white with other things - relationships, food, daily practices …..
4. I’ve read lots of quit literature, joined (and left) many groups, been in a steady group of 7 amazing women who are also working on their relationship with alcohol meeting fortnightly; talked and listened to a lot of people, over shared, under shared, sat with shame, tried to hide my shame, shared my shame, I’ve been through the works.
If you want to change your relationship with alcohol, the good news is - there are LOTS of options. I tried a lot before I found what worked for me. Many people think there is only one way and it’s not true. My own path included This Naked Mind (free 30 day experiment, paid 30 day experiment, reading the books, listening to the podcast, signing up for 2 of the paid programs); My group of 7; Hypnotherapy; Pranic Healing; Kinesiology; Coaching; Enar Treatment; Chiropractic/Massage Treatments and the support and love of my family and friends. You might not need all of this. And maybe I didn’t either.
So, mainly I’m being totally up myself for socialising and having a freaking great year without booze. I’m never going back. I am not scared of alcohol anymore. I know I could have a drink and it would not send me back to where I was because I have rewired my brain so that I don’t want alcohol. I don’t have cravings ever. I don’t have FOMO (and for those that know me - you know how I love a good FOMO!).
The freedom I have with not drinking is totally worth it for me. And the freedom to spend time with those who do drink - without judgement - is also amazing.
Being able to drive somewhere in the middle of the night to pick up ice cream, chocolate or a drunk friend - that is pretty special!
Here’s to the anniversary of my first year free from alcohol. X